Dear Americans:

It gives me the creeps when you shamelessly violate and mangle the national anthem. Yes, going over one and a half octaves, it is a challenging song to sing. But it is the national anthem, and creative interpretations of its written notes are uncalled for. Altering it is as offensive as abusing the national flag to make a personal statement.

So here is a tutorial, inspired by bass violinist Jenny Hersch.

[Land of the] free is exactly the same note as [rock-ets’ red] glare! Look at the sheet, if you don’t believe it!

And both these words are about the same length! So for God’s sake, it’s not “freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”!  No, no, no!!!! It’s simply “free”!

And one more thing: the lowest note is right at the beginning: [oh] say [can you see]. And it is the same note as gleam-ing and stream-ing and [whose broad] stripes [and bright stars].

If you are like me (not tone deaf but at the same time incapable of singing in tune) just do what I do: Stand with pride — but shut up.

In the name of those equipped with good ears but lacking a singing voice, I thank you.

Reinhard Kargl

Journalist and media professional currently based in Los Angeles, California. Focusing on science and technology.